I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
