For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
