Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
