Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
