the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think a kid would responsible me up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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