Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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