I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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