You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize