Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize