I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
