If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
