Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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