i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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