Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
