so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize