I wanna passion pit in your ass
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
