Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
