Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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