Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize