This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
