He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
