I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you didnt know i had herpes?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
