Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
