covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
