I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
