dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
