Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
