Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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