you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
