if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
