Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
