I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
