What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
