It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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