Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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