just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
