my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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