Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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