I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
