Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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