just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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