Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
