My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
