her vagine was all disorganized.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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