Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
