Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
