I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
