She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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