Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
