On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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