Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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