I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
