I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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