the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize