so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
