Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
