I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
