So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize