I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
