my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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