did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
