Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
