I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
