I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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