Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
