I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
