i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
