i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Boobs are out for the taking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
