Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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