it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize