is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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