google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
