What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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