I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize