You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
