he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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